I Fall Asleep in Seconds Now. Not Minutes — Seconds.

I've been working with startups for over a year now. Different teams, different products, different time zones. But I've never been this busy. Never this tired.

The kind of tired where your head touches the pillow and you're just gone. Not in minutes. In seconds.

I'm a third-year college student majoring in Electronics. Honestly, I don't even like my branch. I never really had interest in it, and even now I couldn't give you a strong reason for why I picked it. But here I am.

Outside college, I'm working as a Backend Lead at Dizzaract. Before this, I worked with other US-based startups, one of them YC-funded. That experience changed how I think about building things, shipping fast, and working with people who are genuinely good at what they do.

This year, I decided to start building something of my own.

Not for money. Not to raise funding. Not to slap founder on my LinkedIn. I just have an idea that I can't stop thinking about, and I want to see it through.

But I'm not doing this in isolation. My daily life right now looks like four parallel tracks running at the same time:

I used to track everything. Every meal, every task, every hour. I had spreadsheets, routines, systems.

These days, I can barely remember what I ate for lunch, let alone optimize my schedule. The tracking fell apart. The clean routines fell apart.

What's left is just raw momentum — waking up and doing the work because that's all I know how to do right now.

The one thing I really hate about this phase is how isolated it can feel. Sometimes I get so caught up in everything that I don't even talk to my parents properly for weeks.

That part doesn't feel ambitious. It just feels heavy. It's probably the worst trade-off in all of this.

Here's the part nobody tells you about being stretched this thin: you learn fast.

In the last two months alone, I've learned more than I did in the entire previous year. Not from courses or tutorials, but from people. Senior engineers, founders, and people who are actually doing well in life.

Those conversations hit differently when you're deep in the trenches yourself. That's a win, and I'm counting it.

There's no grand motivation fueling me right now. No viral tweet keeping me inspired. I have a decent amount saved up, enough to sustain myself for at least a year without panicking, so it's not survival mode either.

It's just consistency. Boring, unglamorous, showing-up-every-day consistency.

Will this last? I don't know. This pace is probably sustainable for another four or five months. Maybe my idea works out. Maybe I scrap it entirely. I genuinely don't know.

But I'm not going to wonder what if.

Trusting God. Keeping my head down. Doing the work.

Let's see where this goes.